


A final meal

by bluehappyking



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Agents of SHIELD, Dinner, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Jemma Simmons - Freeform, Leo Fitz - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Season 2, Season 3, Spoilers, date, season 3 episode 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 08:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4997818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluehappyking/pseuds/bluehappyking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simmons and Fitz went out once before after Fitz had been in the hospital. Things didn't go so well then, but have things really changed for the pair? Based on events from 3x03.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A final meal

Jemma Simmons had learnt whilst being in the field at S.H.I.E.L.D. she was going to have to become somewhat braver. However, nothing had terrified her more than those 9 days she’d spent waiting for her best friend to wake up, and then those months afterwards in the hospital. The rehabilitation, the frustration, the shouting. All because her best friend had been hurt by Grant Ward when he’d tossed them down to the bottom of the ocean and with only enough oxygen for one of the pair to survive. Simmons felt she’d done the right thing, the only thing she could have done by bringing Fitz up with her to the surface - but had she done more damage than good?

Skye was the one who suggested that Simmons should take him out somewhere, just the two of them to readjust. Meeting all the new team members would be too much at once and that would make things far more difficult for him. At least Simmons knew she was a friendly face and Fitz would be comforted by her being there. Wouldn’t he?

Simmons drove them to a cafe - it was relatively busy for the time of day. She wondered if they should go somewhere else.

“We’re here now and...I...I’m...hun...” he tried to find the words.

“Hungry?” Simmons ended but Fitz just rolled his eyes and went to open the door - he wasn’t appreciative of her ending his sentences. 

There were people all around and Fitz looked over to an empty table by the window. He sat down and Simmons sat opposite him and smiled. 

“Isn’t this nice? Just...getting out, away from the hospital?” she said softly and he nodded before reaching for the menu. His hand was shaking holding it and Simmons instantly reached over to help him. “It’s fine Simmons, let go.” 

“I’m just try...”

“I said let go! God, can’t even hold a bloody menu...don’t need you...pat...whatever...” he said in raised tones.

“Fitz, people are looking,” Simmons saw the people behind him turn around.

“Oh let them stare, as if they haven’t...seen a human being...before,” Fitz sighed and decided to put the menu on the table instead and just peered over at it. Simmons smiled flatly and shrugged at the people behind who resumed their lunch. She took to looking at the menu herself as a waitress came over for drinks. “Tea, thank you,” Fitz said and looked at Simmons who agreed on the same. As the waitress left and Simmons was looking down at the menu, she heard his small voice. “I’m sorry...”

“What for? Don’t be sorry,” Simmons said, shaking her head.

“I’m useless. Completely...I’m an embarrassment.”

“No, you are not. You’ve been through so much these last few months, Fitz and you are so brave. I couldn’t even imagine what it was like. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with it like you have,” she told him. “Don’t ever be sorry because it is not your fault.”

“Yeah, Grant Ward’s fault...don’t know where he is...” Fitz sighed and Simmons swallowed, looking back down at the menu.

“I’ll have the chicken I think. What about you?” she changed the subject quickly.

“Steak and chips,” Fitz replied and then sighed. “Thanks for...being here. I do...app...er...”

“Appreciate?” Simmons said and he nodded. 

“I hate this. I hate it so much,” he put his head in his hands as the tea came over. 

“Can I take your orders if you’re ready?” the waitress asked and Simmons ordered for them both and then handed the waitress her menu. Fitz looked up and tried to reach for his own menu, his fingers slipping every time he tried to pick it up. The waitress looked concerned as Fitz just sighed and threw his hands to the side. Eventually, Simmons just handed it to her and the waitress left.

“Will this ever ge...get better, Jemma?” Fitz asked her sadly and it broke her heart. She reached over the table to hold his hand, but he wouldn’t let her touch him. He just folded his arms and kept them close to his chest, retreating into himself. 

“I hope so, you’re getting stronger every day. Look how far you’ve come? We just have to be patient.”

“I can’t do patient. I can’t do anything,” Fitz moaned. “I just want to...be me again. Is that so...so much to...to ask?” He looked away sadly with tears in his eyes. He may have felt helpless, but Simmons did too as she placed sugar in her tea - it was the only action that she could do. It gave her a chance to look away.

“Do you think that being with me makes it worse?”

“What kind of question is that?” Fitz looked up at her. “Be...how can being with someone make it...worse? Don’t be stupid, Simmons.” She looked up at the remark - each dig or insult he threw at her, even though she knew he didn’t mean it, hurt. They were attacking her and lodging into her like cuts that she was desperately trying not to feel the pain of. It was going to be a long road. 

“I’m just saying that when I’m around you, it seems to be that you get more frustrated, more upset and...do you think I’m causing that or is it...”

But at the point, the waitress interrupted them by bringing them their food. She placed it down, asking if they wanted anything else but both refused. Fitz slowly reached for his fork but then as he tried to hold it in one hand and the knife in the other to cut the steak, Simmons knew he was going to have trouble.

“Let me do it...” she started to fuss.

“No, I can do it myself...I...just let me do it!” Fitz tried but his knife wouldn’t cut and Simmons couldn’t bear to watch his struggle. She reached over and tried to take the knife and fork away but the fork fell from his hand and clattered on the floor, his hand knocking the teacup and it smashed nexto the fork. “FOR GOD’S SAKE, JEMMA!!” he shouted at her. 

“I’m sorry, we’ll get another one...” the waitress came over.

“Don’t bother,” Fitz pushed himself up out of the chair. “Can’t eat the st...stupid thing anyway...” 

He stormed out of the cafe, all eyes watching him. Simmons breathed out shakily, tears in her eyes as she got up and placed enough money on the table and ran out after Fitz. He was stood outside, his hands behind his head, his eyes shut and tears escaping down his cheeks. 

“Fitz...” she placed a hand on his shoulder and he fell into her and sobbed. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...” he said over and over and she held him tightly, rubbing his back. She looked up, trying not to cry herself - she had to be strong, for him.

“It was too soon, I know. It was too soon,” she told him and he looked up at her. 

“No, I want to go back in. I want to do this...properly,” he walked towards the door. 

“Fitz, you don’t have to,” she told him.

“I’ll, I’ll be okay, I’ll go back in,” he said with a couple of nods and walked back into the cafe before she could stop him, saying a loud sorry as he went back to the table where the waitress stood, clearing the mess, still confused. “Sorry, we’ll...we’ll stay. Have our food.” Simmons sat down and Fitz pushed the plate towards her, letting her cut up the meat for him. 

Whilst it was still a struggle and nothing seemed to satisfy Fitz that lunchtime, his constant complaining was better than his breakdown. He tried to make an effort, but it hurt Simmons seeing him so anxious of how he appeared in public. How he appeared to her. She could see him trying to show he was better than he was, but she could tell - it had been too soon and being with her was making it worse. 

She had been speaking to Coulson about a potential mission, getting away from the base to allow Fitz to recover without her as she had seen he’d been worse around her for a long time. This was the nail in the coffin, the clincher that pushed her towards that decision. As she saw her best friend struggling, constantly unhappy with the cafe, the type of tea, his shaking hand and damaged brain, she knew that it was the best decision, even though it would break both of their hearts.  
 At least now, they were able to have one final meal together, even though they’d had better times. It wasn’t going to back to how it was before - maybe they just needed that time apart to recover. Maybe they just weren’t meant to be together.

\----------------------------------------------

At the restaurant, Simmons cried into Fitz - she didn’t even know what had triggered it, but she felt like she couldn’t carry on. It was all too much for her, and Fitz had been so kind. She’d only managed to take him to busy cafe for lunch, he’d held this reservation for months and cleared a whole damn restaurant for her to make sure it was good enough. He was going to be there by her side the whole time, and she had left him when things had got tough. He’d jumped through a bloody portal to get to her, and she hadn’t even been able to stay in the same lab as him. It wasn’t fair and yet after all this time, he still forgave her for everything she had done. He was still there for her, holding her tight and comforting her.

It was going to be a long road ahead, but Simmons had one thought in her mind. It was just like before, and she was going to have to leave him all over again. She had to go back to that place, she had to. She had to go back. But going back meant that she couldn’t stay with Fitz...she couldn’t leave him a second time? It would break his heart when he’d just got it fixed? What if he relapsed in her leave? What if they were both apart and both broken? 

But she had to do it. No matter how she felt, she had to go back. 

Through the dinner, she remained quiet - listened to Fitz as they ate together a better meal than last time, but still with the same heart break and knowledge of Simmons and her secret. She had to leave again. 

It was one final meal together. It wasn’t going to go back to how it was before - now it was better. Now, it was like they had been repaired and finally things were going to be back on track. At least, that what he thought. She could see it in his eyes - hope. Hope that she was going to crush. Hope that she’d crushed before, over and over. Maybe he really was better off without her? Maybe they just weren’t meant to be together.


End file.
